Is she worth it? thought Aragorn
by LittLeBLueBLoB
Summary: Aragorn and Arwen get married, but many strange and twisted things happen, including an evil video tape and a lovestruck Eowyn. No slash: A/A relationships. Please read! Very funny! Don't read if you don't like funny stuff!
1. Announcement

"Is She Worth It?" thought Aragorn-Chapter One  
  
Disclaimer: I *sob* own nothing. But I doon't get it. If the dude is dead, why do I have to still put up these dumbass disclaimers?  
  
A/N: I put genre as Humor/Romance, but it isn't really Romance, it's just based on an Aragorn/Arwen relationship?? Is that ok? But the Humor part is dead on. HUMOR!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!! Neways, this is my first LotR fic, so be nice! Please R&R!! Flames will be read halfway through, and used to feed my rabid pet chipmunks!! Enjoi!!  
  
A/N: I like strange, unexpected twists, and basically am a maniac. So don't be surprised...  
  
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-  
  
Chapter One-The Announcement  
  
Aragorn and Arwen arrived in Rivendell to announce their engagement. Galadriel and Celeborn had raveled far, from Lothlorien to be present. As they rode through the gates, confetti magically rained from the sky. A party awaited them around the bend.  
  
"CONGRATULATIONS!!" cried a whole crowd of people as they turned the bend. Aragorn and Arwen put on their practiced faces of surprise.  
  
"I would like to announ-" Aragorn began, but was interrupted by Celebrian, Arwen's mother.  
  
"HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FROM ALL OF US TO YOU, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM ALL OF US TO YOU.." she sang at the top of her lungs while doing somewhat of a spazmatic chicken dance. She repeated this numerous times, until Galadriel whomped on the head with a trashcan.  
  
"That's enough out of you, dear." She said to her daughter's limp form.  
  
Elrond sighed. "That's why you never see her in the movie." He opened up a little container, and swallowed about 20 pills. "Aaah, better."  
  
"So as I was saying, Arwen and I would like to announce some very very special news. She and I are-" Aragorn was abruptly cut off by Pippin, who was also present. In fact, the whole company was present.  
  
Pippin looked around while Aragorn spoke, and noticed the Congratulations banner. He had seen one once...When his great aunt Netty was. "Pregnant? You're pregnant?? Both of you?"  
  
Aragorn looked confused. "No, we're not-"  
  
Pippin ruhed over and stroked his belly. "Aw, Strider, you don't look pregnant. But I suppose the baby will be born nice and healthy. Yours too, Arwen!! Aww, can I be their godfather? Please? Puh-retty please?"  
  
Merry promptly went over, and dragged Pippin away, telling Pippin in his ear, "Males don't get pregnant."  
  
Aragorn and Arwen lookeda round, and Aragorn began once again. "We're-"  
  
Pippin jumped in. "Wait! Why did you guys tell me you were pregnant when you weren't?? And you're gonna lie again!!" Celebrian had magically become conscious that the words 'you are pregnant' and didn't hear the last part.  
  
"YOU TWO AREN'T MARRIED YET, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU ALREADY FOOLED AROUND AND GOT HER PREGNANT!!!!!!!" she screamed, homicidal. She grabbed a bow and aimed it at his chest. Elrond, swiftly pulled the bow away and whispered something. Her face brightened. Celebrian skipped away, humming.  
  
"What did you do?" asked everyone. Elrond gave a knowing grin. "I told her that there was ice-cream inside, but she would have to wait a long time for it."  
  
Aragorn cleared his throat, and continued, "Arwen and I have made the happiest decision of our lives. She and I, we are-" a crazy Boromir ripped open Aragorn's packs and started going through it.  
  
"Weed, weed, don't you got no weed? Grr..underwear, Claritin, a change of clothes, swords, a bow, a quiver..." He muttered, throwing these things behind him, the sword, nearly decapitating Frodo. Sam bellowed like a bull and rusehed at Boromir.  
  
"YOU HOBBIT MURDERER! YOU TRIED OT KILL MR. FRODO, YOU NASTY, NASTY AWFUL PERSON, YOU!!!!!!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Boromir looked up at the wild, thrashing, nearly-rabid hobbit, and threw him aside.  
  
"Weeeed...you don't gots no weeeed? What THE HELL is this?" He picked up a little box. "VIAGRA?! ARAGORN!! THIS WAS IN YOUR PACK!!" Aragorn flushed a deep red and tried to retrieve the box. All of Arwen's ancestors promptly tried to kill him.  
  
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!" cried Aragorn. "You people are crazy!!!! ARWEN AND I ARE ENGAGED!!! ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!! NOT PREGNANT, NOT HIGH, AND NOT HOBBIT MURDERERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST ENGAGED!!!!!" Boromir looked up, grinning. He threw a little box to Galadriel.  
  
"CONDOMS????? YOU HAVE CONDOMS!!!! WHY, I'LL GET YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She chased Aragorn around.  
  
Boromir threw something else, from Arwen's pack, to Elrond. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!!!!!!!!???????" He held up a little, tiny, clear string bikini. It had three roses on it: one on heach breast, and one down...down there. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU WORN THIS?!?!?!?!?!" He chased his daughter around.  
  
Legolas started to scream that the dust was ruining his hair.  
  
Yes, unfortunately, this went on for quite a while. Finally, Arwen and Aragorn settled into their *separate* rooms. Of course, Aragorn abandoned his, and went to Arwen.  
  
"What an awful day!" sighed Arwen. She looked over. "Look what I retrieved from grandmother!" She showed Aragorn the little box that had caused the trouble. He grinned, and they stripped all their clothes off, and went under.  
  
"YOU JUST WAIT ONE SECOND THERE, YOU LITTLE LOVE COUPLE!!!!" Celeborn stood in the doorway. "YOU WILL NOT, WILL NOT FOOL AROUND BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED!!!!! NOT WITH MY GRANDDAUGHTER!!!! BACK TO YOUR ROOM!!" Aragorn sighed, and got up. And left for his room. He forgot his clothes. Laughter was heard, and a realizing shriek followed that.  
  
----------  
  
END!!!!!  
  
For now, at least. You like? Please R&R!!!!!!!! 


	2. The Evil Video Tape and Late at night

"Is She Worth It?" thought Aragorn-Chapter Two  
  
Disclaimer: I own it all!! MWAHAHAHA!! Not.  
  
A/N: R&R!! Flames will be read, laughed at, then be used to warm up my toesies.  
  
Who loves it when Aragorn is tortured?? Me!!  
  
-----  
  
Chapter Two-TOO MUCH EDUCATION!!!/Fashion Show  
  
Aragorn woke up in the morning to find Galadriel's maniacally laughing face in front of his. She dragged him out of bed, and sat him down on a sofa. She rolled a TV in, and popped in a video tape. The words "The Birds and the Bees" appeared on the screen. Celebrian snuck up behind Aragorn and tied him up. Images popped up on the screen, and a narrator's voice began.  
  
"Welcome to.the Birds and the Bees." Aragorn screamed. "Ever wondered where you came from? Well, this is what your parents did to have you." Aragorn cried out and tried to close his eyes, but Galadriel held his head still, and Celebrian taped his eyes open. A film began of two people... going at it. Aragon screamed. The tape and narrator began explaining about...the thing, diseases spread by it, and all of that stuff. Two and a half hours later, the tape finished. Aragorn almost died. He also thought, Is she really worth all of this??  
  
There stood Galadriel and Celebrian-grandmother and mother of his beloved Arwen, laughing crazily. Celebrian stuck her face right in front of his. "To marry my daughter, you must watch this tape.3 more times!" they laughed. Aragorn cringed and agreed.  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
---  
  
Aragorn sat, exhausted from all of the screaming, on his bed. Celeborn walked into the room and grabbed Aragorn. "Come...we have a party to attend!"  
  
Aragorn followed him out of the room into the banquet hall. There, he was surrounded by TVs they suddenly started up and showed a film, "The Facts of Life"! Celeborn stared Aragorn in the eye, who thought again that Arwen might not have been worth it. "You will watch this 17 times before you are allowed to marry my daughter!!" Aragorn started to scream.  
  
"TOOOOOO MUCH EDUCATION, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
---  
  
They finally set a day for the wedding and planned a honeymoon. The wedding would be held in Lothlorien, and the honeymoon would be spent abroad, traveling everywhere. As Arwen and Aragorn finished these plans, Frodo came rushing in, Sam chasing after him. Frodo looked highly disturbed, and Sam carried a loofah and two bars of soap.  
  
"SAM!!! I AM CAPABLE OF TAKING A BATH BY MYSELF!!!!"  
  
"Oh, but Mr. Frodo, these elves have the *nicest* baths! I can wash you with strawberry soap! Lemon, if you don't like strawberry!"  
  
"IM JUST INCOMFORTABLE HAVING YOU...BATHE ME!!!!!"  
  
"Aww, come on, Mr. Frodo! Let me scrub your feet."  
  
"NO."  
  
Legolas walked in. "Has anyone seen the strawberry-scented soap? It is all gone!" He was wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Oh yeah, a few elf women were hanging on him, too. (A/N: Can you blame them?? ^_^) He was soaking. Frodo glared at Sam.  
  
Legolas roared, "I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF TAKING A BATH, I HAD ALREADY USED THE STRAWBERRY SOAP, AND THEN IT WAS JUST GONE!!!!!" Sam shuffled and whistled innocently. Arwen drooled at half-naked Leggy. Aragorn sighed. Frodo glared. Arwen drooled. Aragorn sighed. Sam shuffled...and so on. Legolas snatched the soap away and walked away, muttering about maybe having to use lime soap and how funny that would have smelled. He still wore the elf women, but thanks to one of them, no longer the towel.  
  
Arwen and Aragorn went back to her room to look at stuff. In there, Elrond was going through Arwen's closet.  
  
"Daddy? What. Are. You. Doing?"  
  
Elrond held up a dress. It was sheer and glittery, a forest green. The neckling plunged almost down to her waist,, and scrunched up in the middle. The skirt part was slinky and tiny. It went maybe a quarter down her thighs, and had loose pieces of fabris floating down it, to look breezy. "Honey, I have a few things I want you to try on. Then I want to confiscate them.  
  
A little box stuck out of his pocket. Aragorn read the letters V-I-A-G. The rest was covered by the pocket. He winced. Arwen went behind her silk sheet that separated her room (where Aragorn and Elrond were) from her dressing room. She came out, and the dress was incredibly...well, the neckline showed most of her cleavage, and it fit her body lit a second skin. The two guys drooled, and then Elrond confiscated it.  
  
This went on for a while, and then Elrond left, satisfied. Aragorn whispered, "I didn't know you had clothes like *that*!" She grinned, and whispered, "He hasn't seen my secret stockage. Come back later...." He nodded, and left.  
  
----  
  
At two o'clock in the morning, Aragorn snuck into her room. She was going to give him a little fashion show. He sat down with a bag of popcorn. Everyone else was sleeping.  
  
She came out, and announced, "I will model my swimsuits first." Aragorn's eyes grew bigger and bigger every time she came out. Aragorn decided right then, that Arwen was definitely worth it. He decided that she would do a swimsuit fashion show every night for the first few weeks of the honeymoon. (Yes, they would have a LONG LONG LONG honeymoon.)  
  
When it was all over, Aragorn clapped. Then he heard a noise. Arwen covered her scantily clad body dressed in a itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini (A/N: It was an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, yellow polka dot bikini that she wore for the first time today. Lol, does anyone remember that song???).  
  
Aragorn drew his sword(A/N: I have no clue why he has a SWORD with him??) and pointed it to the shadows. "Come out, or I'm coming in for you." Several sighs ensued from the darkness, and out came Legolas, Gimli, and Boromir. Legolas grinned and said, you look hotter in a speedo than I do." Boromir and Gimli wolf-whistled.  
  
Arwen came out and put her arms around Aragorn and winked. "Lucky guy, isn't he." Aragorn grinned and stuck out his tongue. They started to kiss, rubbing it in the three guy's faces. Then things heated up, and continued to get hotter. They didn't even notice when Gimli pulled out a video camera and recorded this. They didn't stop until the next morning.  
  
Boromir, Gimli, and Legolas had some gooooood blackmail on them. *cue evil laughs from all three- "MWAHAHAHAHA"*  
  
--_--_--_--_--_--_--_--  
  
END! Wow, that chappy was crappy! Sorry, I m not hyper rite now, n sorry it took so long. Next one better, I promise! If you don't like it when things start to get..messed up like this chapter then just review that! Ok, till next time! 


	3. The Wedding and what comes after

Is She worth it? thought Aragorn-Chapter 3  
  
Disclaimer:See part 1 or 2.  
  
Sorry it took so long! Been really busy! Enjoi!! Please R&R! My insects feel warm inside when they get a review! Flames will be blown out.  
  
---  
  
Chapter 3: The wedding and what comes after  
  
The day had finally come. The *wedding* day. And let's say they had crazy parties the night before. Anyways, Aragorn stood in the room, with his best man, Legolas. He wore a white dress tunic, with long white leggings and a white shirt. His hair was washed (A/N:GASP!)and brushed. Legolas was giving him a little pep talk, because he was a little jittery.  
  
Arwen sat in her room, lounging with her feet up on her vanity. She wore a long pale green dress, with a sheer material layered. Her hair shone in dark waves, and her face was blemish free, makeup making her face radiate with beauty. She sat and giggled with her friends, and Rosie, Sam's wife was there also.  
  
When the time for the wedding came, Aragorn stood reverently. Music started up, and a Frodo walked down the aisle, scattering petals darkly. HE was NOT happy about being flower girl. The Bridesmaids included Galadriel, Celebrian, Gimli, Pippin, and Merry, and some of her friends. Then, she walked down the aisle with Elrond.  
  
Aragorn was shocked at her beauty. When she finally reached him, they held hands, and the priest began. HE got to the part where "If anyone has a good reason these two should not gewt married, speak now or forever hold your peace". When he said that, a cry rang out. Eowyn threw herself into the aisle and grabbed Aragorn's leg. She started to sob.  
  
"I love him I love him don't let him get married..." Aragorn tried to shake her off. Galadriel turned green and Eowyn ran away. She got normal again, and motioned for the priest to continue. He gulped, pronounced them Husband and Wife. They kissed... just a little too long. Celebrian roared and pushed them apart, screaming about proper behavior in public, and getting a room. They glanced at each other, and ran down the aisle, Arwen throwing her bouquet.  
  
Merry caught it. Eowyn, who sat next to him, looked at him with taste. He gulped.  
  
Arwen and Aragorn rode away on their rented horse to their honeymoon, while everyone else moved to the reception. 


	4. Guaranteed to be eventful

Is She Worth It? thought Aragorn-chapter 4  
  
Disclaimer: Gag. Go...go back and see the others...  
  
AN: Ok, so I'm not going to go to the honeymoon yet. Please enjoi! R&R!! Flames will be doused with a considerable amount of whipped cream and nuts. Also, I am adding some POVs in, and if noone is specified, then it is 3rd person. TY!  
  
Haha, I got a little of Boy Meets World in ther, some Big Fat Greek Wedding, and a lot of the video tape!  
  
---  
  
Chapter Four: *Guaranteed to be eventful*  
  
Well, Aragorn and Arwen were going to just ride off to their honeymoon, but the horse overheated. So they went back to let a mechanic work its magic, and enjoy the ceremony.  
  
When they entered the hall, a distraught Merry rushed behind Aragorn and hid. "Save me! Save me! SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He shrieked. Eowyn chased Merry and picked him up.  
  
"Oh, my little love, I don't think you saw me..." Merry was dragged away kicking and screaming, to the dance floor.  
  
Aragorn and Arwen had a good time at the reception, excluding when Merry tried to commit suicide to get away from Eowyn, Sam declared outright love to Frodo (causing a divorce between Sam and Rosie), and Gimli kissed another dwarf. They couldn't tell if it was male or female.  
  
--POV ARAGORN-  
  
Finally, the reception is over. The horse hasn't been fixed as of yet, so Arwen and I will have to spend the night. Oh well, we're married. This is our wedding night. *Guaranteed to be eventful* So anyways, I went to take a bath after Arwen.  
  
When I came out, Arwen lay in our bed, bedsheets covering under her arms. She smiled and said, "Is this what you wanted?" I looked under the sheets...WHOOH!  
  
"Oh yea babi!! I cried, took off my clothes, and dove under." 5 and a half seconds later, our bed, with us in it, was being carried out of the room.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Ok, so it turns out that room was to be moved. So we got the wrong room. When we got to the right room, a small cobwebby one with one twin sized bed in it, we were not happy. Anyways, so we got back in bed and fell asleep, too exhausted to try anything. ---  
  
The next morning they woke up, with Galadriel ringing a bell over their heads. "RISE AND SHINE LOVEY DOVES!!!!!" She cried, pulling them out of bed. "CELEBRIAN IS MAKIN BREAKFAST, AND YOU TWO ARE LEAVING FOR YOUR HONEYMOON!"  
  
They were hurried out the door, still yawning. When they were shoved out of Rivendell, they were still have asleep. They mounted their horse (already saddled up and packed) and it started clip-clopping down the road. Frodo came trotting up alongside them after a while, when they were awake.  
  
FRODO: Oy! I'm coming too!  
  
ARAGORN: No you're not.  
  
FRODO: Yes I am! You can't leave me when youre going adventurisingnesssabobaringadoodleding!!  
  
ARWEN: No. This isn't an adventure  
  
FRODO: Uh huh! Elrond said, 'leave those two be. They are facing a difficult adventure.'  
  
Arwen and Aragorn flushed at this remark by their father.  
  
"Hey! We're coming too!" Merry, Pippin, and Sam rushed up behind them. Legolas, Boromir, Gimli, and Gandalf shortly joined them, Legolas, Gimil, and Boromir brining dates. Eowyn joined them-no, not them, MERRY.  
  
(cue dramatic music)  
  
EOWYN: Oh, beloved, I think you forgot that I would simply pine without you!  
  
Merry mouths 'I came to get away from her'.  
  
Ellandan and Elrohir soon joined up. They were offered delicious yummy dates by Leggy Boromir and Gimli (yes, the fruit type of date, lol!) they politely refused, informing them that they would be gone in a few minutes. They motioned to talk to Aragon privately.  
  
ELLANDAN: Look, my sister is happier than ever. You're a lucky guy,  
  
ARAGORN: Yea, I gues-  
  
ELROHIR: Hurt her and I'll murder you and make it look like an accident.  
  
ARAGORN: *Eyes the size of plates*  
  
ELLANDAN: Haha, that was a joke, haha? Funny, right?  
  
ARAGORN: Hehe...Yeah I kinda thought you guy-  
  
ELROHIR: Haha, No but what s funny is I've got my bow. And I'm gonna shoot you (pause to see Aragorn's face) HAHA! Got you again!  
  
ARAGORN: Hehe, gotme, yeah you guys got me-  
  
ELLANDAN: NO. Seriously we'll kill you. Now go back and make her happy.  
  
Aragorn left and went back to Arwen. Ellandan and Elrohir did the I've got my eye on you thing with their fingers, and left.  
  
END FOR NOW!  
  
--  
  
Haha, the Fellowship of the Honeymoon!  
  
Review!!! 


	5. Catfights, Rosie, and Realizations

Is She Worth It? thought Aragorn-Chapter FIVE  
  
Disclaimer: I. Own. Absolutely.....EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Not.  
  
A/N: Glad you all liked the MBFGW part, haha. I'll try to add a lot more funniness in this time. Thanks for all of the reviews!! Enjoi!!!!!!!  
  
Haha, Merry is a chick magnet, lol!!! Well, he's cute, has red hair, and...oh yeah hes a hobbit! Everyone is a pervy-hobbit-fancier, even Aragorn!! (in private, of course)  
  
(Fool_of_a_took: I was gonna do that...haha no I wasn't thanks for the idea!!)  
  
-------  
  
Chapter Five: Catfights, Rosie, and Realizations  
  
Eowyn sat next to Merry, stroking his hair. Arwen scowled at her. Merry pushed Eowyn away and cried, "I can't take this anymore!! Leave me ALONE!!!" Eowyn sttod up.  
  
"Yes, Well, I have just realized something," she began, "I only loved you because my real love-ARAGORN-deserted me for...YOU." Witht htat she jumped at Arwen.  
  
[Big Cotton Puff shows up, and random legs, arms, and heads poke up. Little stars come shooting out. Little lightning bolts come out too. SOUND FX: MREOW!! HISSS!!!]  
  
Arwen won the catfight, and Eowyn was banished forever from sight of Merry, Aragorn, or Arwen.  
  
[Enter Rosie]  
  
ROSIE: Oh, Merry, there you are!  
  
SAM: Why, hello, Rosie!  
  
ROSIE: Shut UP, Frodo-lover!!  
  
FRODO: Now wait just there-  
  
ROSIE: Shut UP FRODO!! You stole my husband away!  
  
FRODO: I don't want your husband! He just.....just....FELL IN LOVE WITH ME!!  
  
SAM: *Sigh* He's sooo cute when he's angry! *giggle*  
  
MERRY: ???  
  
GIMLI: Am I missing something? Sam's gay?  
  
BOROMIR: [putting on spectacles and pulling out a 3-vol copy of the Lord of the Rings] Yes, apparently, but, actually, according to The Book, Sam marries Rosie and has kids. *Flips through book* And me? I'm.....I'M DEAD?!?!?!?! *Gasps for air*  
  
ARAGORN: Uh, yeh...Uruk-hai kinda plugged ya up with arrows...  
  
BOROMIR: Oh yeah....So...WHY am I alive??  
  
ARWEN: Because this isn't the book or the movie. It's just a twisted Fic written by a twisted girl with a twisted sense of humor.  
  
FELLOWSHIP OF THE HONEYMOON: Ooooh....  
  
ARAGORN: Anyways, I brought a movie to watch!  
  
GIMLI: What movie?  
  
ARAGORN: Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring...Mwahahaha..  
  
LEGOLAS: Ok then! Pop it in! [wheels in tv]  
  
ARAGORN: [fishes around in bag] Hmm, my bag is full of videos! Ok, here it is!! [Holds up, light shining from the box]  
  
Aragorn popped the tape into the VCR, and it started. Words on screen: "THE BIRDS AND THE BEES"  
  
ARAGORN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
LEGOLAS: Hmm, not the Lord of the Rings, but if it is about nature and it's wonders, I guess it will be alright...  
  
ARAGORN: {pale, eyes wide} Oh yeah. It sure is about nature's *miracles*! I'm gonna go make some popcorn...{walks away}  
  
LEGOLAS: Oh yes~! Good show what, what?  
  
MOVIE: {starts up, showing first the scene of two people...doing it} THIS...IS THE MIRACLE. THE MIRACLE OF LIFE.  
  
AUDIENCE (excluding hobbits): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ARAGORN: NO FRICKING WONDER! ARWEN! YOUR SCREWED UP GRANDMOTHER FILLED MY WHOLE PACK UP WITH THESE MOVIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ARWEN: [grabbing a piece of paper in Aragorn's hand] Dear Elessar, Hope you have time to review these tapes! ~Galadriel....GRR!!!!!!!  
  
MOVIE: These are Bobby's sperm...They are kept inside his penis....  
  
AUDIENCE(excluding hobbits): AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!! [runs away]  
  
-----LatER-----  
  
MERRY: WOW! That was a fun movie! But the girl...  
  
PIPPIN: The girl seemed in pain! All the moaning and groaning....  
  
FRODO: She seemed pleased though? But why....  
  
SAM: Why did they show little tadpoles inside some long rounded thing?  
  
ROSIE: And then the cylander-y thing going into a black hole................................?  
  
EVERYONE ELSE: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
LEGOLAS: [smirking] I'll explain....[brings hobbits away] pssssst psssssst [hand motion to lower body. Hobbits stiffen] pssst, psst [makes motion, index finger & thumb make hole, other index finder goes through hole] pssssst...psst....SPRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [hobbits jump] psst pssst..... And that's it! [walks them back]  
  
EVERYONE: So, how was it?  
  
HOBBITS: [pale, shakey].................!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
SAM: Well, we learned....  
  
EVERYONE ELSE: SHUT UP! WE ALREADY KNOW!!!!!!!  
  
END FO NOW!  
  
Haha, what do u think? Hobbits learn stuff, and people realized a lot. LOL!!!!!!!!! REVIEW!!!! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE REVIEW!!!!! Actually I won't write more if u dun review! I kno u won't like that! 


	6. The Honeymmon's cancellations

Is She Worth It? thought Aragorn-Chapter SiX  
  
--  
  
Disclaimer:I own that video tape. And the TV. And....I think that's it.  
  
HEY! I hope you enjoi this chappy! NEWAYS, I want to get the honeymoon over, so I'm gonna cancel it. Sorry! I have better ideas, Oh I do!!!!!!!!  
  
MWAHAHAHAHHA  
  
Anywayz, I'll get up Chap 7 up FAST, kk?  
  
R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Flames will be used to make s'mores. Now, if I onli could find the marshmallows.....  
  
---  
  
Chapter 6-The Canceled Honeymoon!  
  
[scene: littkle hobbits chasing fellowship around asking about tadpoles in tube]  
  
ARAGORN: ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HONEYMOON CANCELED!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAARRRRRRGHH!!!!!!!!  
  
ARWEN: I AGREE!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
[Aragorn/Arwen stomp off back to Rivendell]  
  
ROSIE/FRODO: *whispering* Good Job! *high five* Now Sam.....  
  
---  
  
SHORT CHAPTER!!!!!!!! Haah, I'll have 7 up at the same time, k? I think 7 is a lil different.... 


	7. Doctor Appointments

Is She Worth It? thought Aragorn-Chapter SEvEN  
  
--  
  
Disclaimer:I own that video tape. And the TV. And....I think that's it.  
  
HEY! I hope you enjoi this chappy! NEWAYS, R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Flames will be used to make s'mores. Now, if I onli could find the marshmallows.....  
  
---  
  
Chapter 7: Doctor Appointments  
  
SCENE:Arwen checking the mail at Rivendell  
  
ARWEN: Oh! AragorN! Here's a letter for you!  
  
ARAGORN: Hmm...Seems I need to go get a checkup. Okay. I guess Elves prolly do the checkups different, but how different can it get? *shrug*  
  
ARWEN: Oh, and I have a checkup with...*reads*!!!!*eyes wide, gasp*the...the...the...!!!!!!  
  
ARAGORN: ?  
  
ARWEN: The.......GYNECOLOGIST!!!  
  
[music: BUM...BUM....BUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM}  
  
ARAGORN: *shrug* Okay. A lot of people go see them.  
  
ARWEN: *looks doubtful, chews fingernail*  
  
------------ARAGORN's Appointment------------  
  
So, I go to the Doc's waiting room. Some guy comes out, shaking. "BEWARE!!! BEWARE THE TEMPTRESSSS!" Then he stumbled out. OOOOKAY then. I go in. No big. SO I sit on that think...the thing with the roll of paper on it.  
  
Then SHE came in.  
  
SHE looked at me  
  
And smiled.  
  
SHE had long, blond hair, and a beautiful face. She wore her hair in a halfponytail, the raid hanging down. HER eyes were a deep, intense blue. Her lips, a glossy pool of perfection. She wore a long doctor's coat, unbuttoned. Under it, she wore a tight tube top and a short jeans skirt. A name tag read: ALIANE  
  
Dr. ALIANE: Aragorn? *smile, flash teeth.*  
  
ARAGORN: Yes *gulp*  
  
DR.ALIANE: *tube top slips a little, baring part of breast.*  
  
ARAGORN: *stare*  
  
DR.ALIANE: *push up top* Ahem, yes. So, You're her for a check up. *looks him up and down with good taste* Mmm.... *eye:[glint]* Here you are. *Hands him paper robe* Put this on, I'll be right back.  
  
Wow. That is a strange robe....But I put it on anways.  
  
Then SHE came back.  
  
But she looked very different. Her hair was let down, and It was wavy. She wore a midriff top with a V-neck, and her skirt was even shorter.  
  
DR.ALIANE: BACK!  
  
ARAGORN: ..... *swallow*  
  
DR.ALIANE: Now let's take a looksee.  
  
She untied the strings, and folded it halfway down, my chest exposed. Then she started to take my heartbeat.  
  
DR. ALIANE: Normal, normal.........normal...  
  
Then.......She removed the whole thing! I was completely naked in front of a scantily clad woman. She almost died with delight.  
  
DR.ALIANE: Now, let's see if you are the right length. *takes out measuring tape and measures...........................................which was sticking straight up* Impressive! But........*lowers voice* how...how does it taste?  
  
Then she started.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it felt good I tell you, good.  
  
--  
  
When I went back to my place, Arwen asked me how it went I grinned and said fine.  
  
Just fine.  
  
---------  
  
Oh yeah! Arwen thought he was gonna have a guy doctor! Well, apparently she doesn't have a girl doctor. HAHAHAHA! Review! Aragorn............naughty naughty!!!! ^_^ Wait for Arwen's doctor appt.................in chapter 8!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
